You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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