Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
