I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
