So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
