Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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