remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
