Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
