The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
