This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
