She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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