she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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