Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
