dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
