Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
