Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
