so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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