my phone needs a breathalizer
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
