Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
