I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
