my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
