After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
