I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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