Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
