An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
