Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
