I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
