You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
