I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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