When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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