tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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