When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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