I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize