I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
