just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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