First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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