Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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