the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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