I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
