At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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