So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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