So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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