your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize