Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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