The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
