Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
