I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize