I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize