Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
