2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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