i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
