Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
