We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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