I think my vagina is haunted
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
