So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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