if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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