Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
