what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize