I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize