Having a random hookup so left but love u
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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