Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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