would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
