I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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