Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
