Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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