I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
