i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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