You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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