totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
