my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
