i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
