Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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