This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just tell him i said nine months
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
