My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
