A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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