apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
