my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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